Partly Facetious: 'Southern Punjab' province?

"So those who left the PML-N for reasons to do with creating a Southern Punjab province were viciously attacked by the nawalas..." "Ironically the nawalas attacked the defectors for taking the nawala (bite of food) offered by another."
"Ha ha ha, 'another' hunh!" "I am not going to go into speculation on that count but the fact is that Nawaz Sharif, the party's supreme leader, took many Musharrafites on board in 2013 to get the majority that he enjoyed in parliament for nearly five yeaRs.."
"Right, if I remember correctly around 50 to 60 who by definition would leave the party if they felt that the winds of change had begun blowing and one senator that I recall namely Mushahid Hussain who may have jumped the gun a bit too soon given the winds of change..."
"Mushahid wanted a senatorship and I don't think it mattered which party he got it from... But 'winds of change'?"
"I am not saying change will be good or bad just that these guys reckon Nawaz Sharif is on the out..."
"And before the Maryam Nawaz sponsored attack guards attack..."
"The correct phrase is not attack guards you know because guards by definition do not attack, they defend and so...."
"Considering we are in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan and some domestic animals are considered to be anathema to our religion and..."
"Stop; Sheru is dead. Didn't Imran Khan clarify and no one but the Khan and His Third Wife (HTW) knows where the dogs are sleeping now."
"Excuse me, but if the dogs are outside the bedroom then there would be the household staff who would know."
"I give up, but I think that as the party president the younger Sharif must stay the hand of these attackers because if the party does not win an overall majority as expected then he may need to lure them back into the fold to form the next government."
"The younger Sharif?"
"Is a reference to Shahbaz Sharif not to Maryam Nawaz."
"See then you need greater clarity in your statements. I hear the party Supreme Leader has decreed that no one but Maryam Nawaz will be referred to as the Younger Sharif; the First Uncle is to be referred to as the ISS..."
"As in International..."
"Nope, Interim Shahbaz Sharif..."
"Don't be facetious."